I surrender
by savedby8
Summary: Toby Turner, or rather Youtube icon Tobuscus, has an obviously large following and the fans are abundant. Some more involved than others. But what will happen when one fan's obsession takes over both of their lives. Will they both be plunged into madness?
1. Prologue

****WARNING** As this story progresses, it will address topics some readers may view as offensive, or disturbing. This story is not for the weak of heart, or those who are coaxed away from disturbing plots. It is rated M, for mature, for a reason.  
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. **

**_  
Prologue**

"Then... BOOP!" A voice echoed out of the walls and spread across the yard softly. Dimly illuminated windows dotted the house, allowing only the slightest intrusion of privacy.  
I rocked on my heels; my body ached. My knees were stagnant and sore, my blood pooled in my feet. The sun was well above the glimmering Los Angeles rooftops when I arrived, now the sky was dusty red and the air was settling. Yet, I could not leave, I was tethered to this place. I was tethered to _him. _He was absolutely captivating, his vibrant green eyes, his photogenic smile, his comedic voice, his built frame. All of it dripped perfection, even in candid moments.  
Yet, there were two sides to this paragon. On camera, his form was lively and erratic, odd even. His voice had many masks, and his laugh was light and airy. His language was welcoming, lacking any and all vulgarity. He was sponsoring for so many things, and boy did he sell it. Most of the time, the "Audience" was too dim to even catch on to his ingenius ads. Perhaps that was his best quality- his cunning.  
Then calmness flowed into the atmosphere, adjoining the silence. I adjusted my body and craned to see him through the curtained windows. His eyes looked much more lifeless and apathetic, and he sighed in resignation. He slid his Tobuscus shirt off in a smooth motion, leaving his chest bare and unbuckled his belt before walking out of my line of sight.  
My heartbeat sped up, and my palms sweat.  
_Jordan, go home. Enough is enough, it's over for today.  
_My mind was pleading useless bribes; my body rose like a ghost and I rounded the corner, following the windows being lit up as he entered the various rooms.  
Window one. Maybe to grab a towel? The light died quickly. Window two, and I heard rushing air. The machines buzzed to life outside, and I heard the faint sound of rushing water.  
He was taking a shower.  
Then the thought that almost ignited the wiring of my brain became clear,  
_He's alone.  
_My legs glided me across the pavement siding his home, and I neared the front. My heart screamed in my chest and my blood charred my veins. Yet, I pressed on. I drifted up the porch, water poured into my ears. He was _s_o close I could almost feel him.  
Then a noise pentrated through the current in my ears. Something to alert my presence.  
Gryphon barking.  
I heard the jingle of his collar as he ran to the door, alerting those within the house, "Someone is here." I sprinted though the yard, hopped the bushes and made into my car three blocks down, without looking back.  
_Keep composure. Too close for comfort.  
_I started the engine.


	2. Chapter 1 In Hiding

****WARNING** As this story progresses, it will address topics some readers may view as offensive, or disturbing. This story is not for the weak of heart, or those who are coaxed away from disturbing plots. It is rated M, for mature, for a reason.  
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  
Songs referenced: I Surrender - Digital Daggers**

**_  
Chapter 1**

The drive home was quiet.  
The street lights of Los Angeles began flickering on, and traffic flowed lighter as people made it home to their families. The silence in my car weighed down on my bones, as I reflected on what happened, what I did wrong, what I could have improved on. Subconsciously, I turned on the radio to let music play through my idle mind as I lost my myself in thoughts. My mind replayed the evening over, and over again.  
_I was so close to him, I could have met him if I wasn't so clumsy.  
_"Secret, hidden underneath it Trying hard to keep it Safely out of reach," the radio sung back to the mental assessment.

Tears formed in my eyes. _Are you serious? Considering to meet him? Toby Turner would never be interested in someone as dependent, needy or selfish as you..._

"Creeping, I can feel it breathing Coming to the surface Find me in my dream

Sweet despair Feel you devour me, oh Silently, oh you carry me home?"

_Perhaps he could, if he saw all you did for him.. _I turned into my apartment building's parking lot, shut off the engine and rubbed my eyes.

_Maybe if he saw your commitment, your longing, your sincerity, all of it.. If he saw how much he truly meant to you, perhaps he could see you in a different light..._

I smiled. I knew Toby was a beautiful man, with a lovely personality. He would understand... how could he not? Things between him and Olga fell apart, and I knew I could mold myself into exactly what Toby needed. I would do anything for Toby.. anything. I would keep him safe, even from himself.

Once in my apartment, I sighed. I was sticky, exhausted and fatigue weared on my body. I removed the thick black hoodie, jeans and tanktop I was wearing. It clung to my body and sent shivers down my back once I took it off. I dropped the clothes off in the bin, and started a bubble bath. As the heat from the water spread through the house, I checked Youtube for any update from my three subscriptions. One new gaming video... okay.. Nothing new on Tobuscus..

I shortened the bath, making sure to wash and rinse twice, shaving and then rinsing off once more. I leaned down and picked up the stopper, allowing the water to flow down the drain. I stood in the tub, rubbing my neck. What was I while Toby was away? Was I real? Am I ghost of flesh and blood?

Pondering this, I walked into my room, flicked on the light and scanned the room. It was more of a college board room that found it's way into an apartment complex. There was a humble bed, mess in every corner of the room. The cocoa carpet made the room feel closed in, and the faux wooden plannel walls felt 30 years old. It was a dready room, and I didn't like to be in it for very long. I open the closet door and picked out a blue Tobuscus shirt, and smiled.  
How many people could say they had a Tobuscus shirt, that Toby himself wore?

I grabbed my labtop, and set it on my coffe ring stained table. Wait. One new vlog? I saw him make today's vlog. Odd. I clicked the link.  
Posted 3 minutes ago; wow, this looks like he just shot it.  
I peered at the screen, as Toby went through the accounts of his day. He was going through fan mail and reading letters with glee. He was in a parking lot of a little plaza, sitting in his car. My heart stopped.  
He was in the parking lot right down the road, maybe 8 minutes from my house.  
Without finishing to watch the video, I grabbed shorts and my car keys. My mind was racing and I ran two red lights. I had to see him, this was a golden opportunity.  
My tires screamed along the pavement turning into the parking lot, as I trying desperately to slow my speed. I cruised the lot, scanning for his car. I saw a light die in one of the cars and, saw his profile.

_Toby._

I sped up slightly, parked only 2 spaces from him, and jumped out the car when his started. I ran to his driver side and knocked on the window. My body was so warm with emotion and excitement that I could barely stand. My eyes were wild and acute. He rolled down the window, adjusting his phone while speaking, never looking up at me "Yes? Can I help y-.." Tob looked up at me, eyes a little in shock and.. fear?

"H..Hi Toby.." I breathed, smiling widely. "I saw your last vlog, saw you were in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by."  
Toby set his phone in the cup holder, swallowed roughly, and turned off his car.  
"Oh.. Well..," he figdeted with his fingers before looking up at me. "I'm really sorry..."  
"Jordan.. My name is Jordan." My voice was dead, and I was numb. Toby didn't want to see me? This wasn't making any sense...  
"Jordan, I was just about to leave.. But if you want, we can talk over something to eat?" He gave a smile and stepped out of his car.  
"Of course, Toby.. I.. I would love to." I was star struck. Was I really going to have dinner with Toby? Just earlier I watched him create the daily vlog and now I was - Oh, which reminds me.  
"Toby.. Why did you make a second vlog?" I asked while trailing behind him, towards the neon lights reading "The Parish". I had never eaten here before, but it's one of Toby's favorites.  
He swallowed hard, and turned his face away slightly before regaining composure -which I saw right through.  
"I'm going away for a week to discuss promotional offers from a few companies, and was letting the Audience know. You know, didn't want anyonw to think I was abducted by aliens... I thought they only abducted cows.. Am I a cow? God dang it. Cowbuscus, that's never going to-"  
"You're lying." I replied coolly. Toby was so sweet, trying not to worry anyone. As sweet as that was, I saw through his game.  
"Girl, you are an alcoholic girl, you are an alcoholic." He replied in his famous "Wassup girl?" voice. My heart melted, I smiled, but I let the issue drop.. for now.

We were shown to our seats, and we were getting stares. I nearly screamed with joy. Did they see us as a couple? I shuffled closer to Toby, and looked back at all the faces.  
Toby looked at the menu, and then up at me.  
"I'm sorry, I never asked about yourself.. So, tell me about the world of Jordan." He put on a handsome smile.  
"Well.. I've been watching your videos for a long time," in that instant, Toby switched. His smile was still there, but his eyes glazed over a little. He was gone. He wasn't listening, he heard this all too often. The pain loomed into my veins, burning me as a whole.  
"Uh, and I'm really into gaming, traveling and writing.. I like dubstep." Was that any better? Anything to spark your interest?  
He came back to Earth and asked, "You like gaming?"  
Jackpot, something to work off of.  
"Oh yeah, PC, PS3, Xbox, all of it."  
"No way. What's your favorite game?"

We chatted like that for a while, and laughed a little. The waiter came and took our orders and Toby said,  
"But yeah.. When I get home, I have to pack and I'm not looking forward to that. Requires work. And effort." He winced with discomfort.  
Then I realized... Toby has to go _home _after this. Which means I get lost in his memory bank, nothing to rememeber of this encounter. Another Audience member.  
Though it wasn't his fault, it hurt to the core. I was trying to hide my body shaking, then blurted out "I have to use the restroom, excuse me?"  
He excused me and I ran to my car. I wiped away any and all tears, and regulated my breathing.

_It's now or never._

I stepped out of my car, and bent down to the tire of his. I uncapped an air value on his back tire, and put it in my pocket.

When I returned, the food was already there. I had to think of something else to anchor him.  
"Waiter... may I have a Black Monday?"  
After about 10 of those, I figured he would believe I was drunk. Toby was kind to me and kept conversation light.  
"That was really fun," he said, as he walked me out. "I'm glad I got to meet a fan." He gave me a slight smile.  
"Y-yeah.. Fuunnn!" I giggled.  
Toby glanced at his car.  
"Wait.. is my tire flat? Aw fuck." He ran his fingers through his hair, pulled out his phone and called a tow truck.  
"I'll wait with you Tobes.. It's not a problem~!" I laughed out and smiled cheekily.  
Toby just smiled and nodded, then furred his eyebrows. He sighed.  
"Jordan.. listen. Since my car is not an option right now and you're clearly.. impaired, I could drive you home. Since I can't drive you home then back to my house, you could stay with me for tonight." He smiled shyly. "Sound fair?"

"Sure Toby," I said cheerfully.


	3. Chapter 2 No regrets

**Chapter 2 - No Regrets**

It was calm, with Toby by my side. The lulling sound of the tires against the road, his presence, his smell of Armani Code and soap, all of it was perfect. It was a lovely date, and I was so excited to visit his home - at least upon permission. I nuzzled into the seat, curled my legs up to my chest and sighed contentedly. This is how it always should have been. I closed my eyes and lost myself in my thoughts.  
About 15 minutes later, I heard the tires of the car roll across concrete, then the engine died. Toby cleared his throat and softly muttered "We're here." When I didn't respond, he sat in silence for a few moments. He sighed and cursed himself, and stepped out of the car, rounding his way to the passenger side.

_Toby, I'm asleep. Please think I'm asleep._

I heard the passenger door open, and Toby kneeled down in front of me. He turned my face, and I went slack and breathed deeply. He uttered "Yep." unfastening my seatbelt. He shook my shoulder gently, mentioning my name a few times.

_This isn't what I wanted. He's supposed to carry me in. Why isn't he?_

After a few more attempts, I gave in and "woke up." I followed up to the porch, rocking on my heels as he searched for the key in the dark. Once found, we made our way inside, Toby hit the light switch then stopped suddenly in the living room, not even 8 feet from the front door. He turned around and said coolly, "Guest room is upstairs, to the left. Eat whatever you want, there's a TV in the guest room, shower too. If you need anything, I'll be in my room, which is next door to yours." He smiled like a gentleman and said, "Tonight was fun, I'm sorry for this mishap."  
My eyes began to sting, and Toby's face looked like one of confusion. He tilted his head and asked, "Why are you crying...?" I sniffled, wiped my tears away and looked up at him. He was clearly lost in the situation and I sighed in exhaustion.  
"Toby," I started, "You're not as happy as you are in your videos are you? Is it all smoke and mirrors? Is this who you really are?"  
He swallowed and took a step back, "Ex.. Excuse me?"

I walked towards him, batted my eyelashes and mumbled, "Toby.."I turned red, but kept eye contact. "I feel a connection so strong with you; you move, I move. You're the waves and I am the shore. I feel when you're in pain, you just need time with me, to connect with me." Toby raised an eyebrow, snorting "I'm a bit too old for you.. I think it's time for bed."

He left the room without saying anything more, leaving me standing there in the living room. I tried my best not to let angry tears fall down my face. I walked into the guest room, took off my shoes at the door, and crashed on the bed. I stared blankly at the ceiling for what must have been hours because when I rolled over and looked at the clock, it read 1 am. I stretched, rose and stepped out into the hallway.

Tiptoeing to his door, I checked on Toby. His blinds were open, and the moonlight shone on him perfectly. He was shirtless, his hair was erratic and messy, spikes of cocoa in every direction. His tanned skin was without imperfection, and he breathed in a deep, quiet rhythm. I creeped over to his bed, and leaned down on the balls of my feet, balancing my weight. I ran gentle fingers along his strong chest, giving myself chills. I took a look around his room, and a pang of anger took me. Pictures of him and Olga were still on display. They broke up, why was he still interested in her? Did he not even see who he could have? Was he that foolish? I'll teach him the meaning of appreciation.  
I gathered all the photos, and any other reminders of her, and walked down stairs to the back door. Setting the disgraceful items on the ground, I walked into the shed, looking for a shovel. Once found, I dug a deep pit in the ground and buried the trash. While recovering the hole I just dug, some form of self-satisfaction flowed through me. _I _was the one who got rid of the burden. _I_ was the one who helped Toby.

_Me_. Not her. Just as it should be.

I made my way upstairs again, and locked myself in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. Toby will surely comfort me, he's too kind a soul to turn away from me. I turned on the shower, and let it heat up as I found everything I would need. The nicest soaps, shampoos, perfumes, and lotions I could find in the house. I stripped off my clothes and stepped in the running water. I washed until I smelled absolutely lovely - overdoing it even. My hair smelled like strawberry, and my body was that of vanilla. I was soft as silk, and felt amazing. Okay, next step. I rummaged through my purse till I found eyeliner. Applying only a bit, I then smudged it slightly to appear well-worn - as if I have worn it all day. Then I pinched myself.. Hard. Very, very hard. Tears began to form in my eyes, and I kept holding the pressure till they fell. My eyeliner was running and I was stiffly. I examined myself in the mirror. I looked exactly how I wanted to - helpless. I was ready to make my appearance.  
I knocked on Toby's door, swallowed hard, and took a step forward. I curled into my self slightly and put on a shaky voice.  
"T-...Toby?"  
He groaned in protest, slammed his face in his pillow and hissed, "Whaaaaaat?"  
"I need you so badly now..."  
He had no idea.


End file.
